Its Like I'm A Retarded Kid And Superman Rolled Into One

Sometimes I wonder how we will view this war down the road. I suppose it will considered something of a failure, if not a total failure. Some people I talk to want so badly for it not to be, for the simple reason that they don't wish to think so many of our peers "died in vain". I don't know much about that, sometimes I think it doesn't matter the reasons or the outcome. If someone buys their farm does it matter why? Someone dead is someone dead, just or otherwise. At other times I think it must. Fighting for something truely and honestly right and giving your life for that must have more purpose than it being given without good reason.

I know this is nothing more than a brush-war, not some noble crusade or grand battle for the soul of our world. But I'm still proud to be a part of it.

When I signed up a friend asked me what I was doing. She told me in no uncertain terms that this wasn't World War Two, there was no reason why I had to go and risk my skin for this bullshit. I didn't mind her saying that, as I said I'm not stupid enough to think this will change anything. But I just don't know sometimes.

I'm proud to be a part of this, I'm proud of the stupid motherfuckers to my right and left. I'm proud I didn't quiver and rationalize. I'm proud I picked the heavy-lifting job and didn't give two fucks about getting a safe job, a better paying job, or a job that might make better use of me. I'm proud to be a bullet-catcher who whored out three years of his life and his ass for something he couldn't give a shit about.

I don't entertain the notion I am somehow keeping America safe. I don't like the Thank You's in the airport and I feel dirty when someone buys me dinner because they know I'm a soldier. I hate it when friends introduce me as; "This is my friend Nappi. He is going to/just got back from Iraq." It makes me sick when someone tells me about how they almost joined the military. It takes all my self control to not laugh in their face while they march out a parade of reasons why not. I don't care, and I wish people didn't care.

I know the entire nation is using us to atone for their Vietnam sins, and that people get a contact high from buying me drinks and putting yellow ribbons on their cars. But I want them to stop. And if everyone wants to help they can send me booze and cigarettes and just be normal. Keep your thoughts and prayers and worry about me to yourself. I don't need a sympathetic populace I need friends, just like everyone else in this world.