Friday, December 31, 2010

Damn You Gary Numan

I keep hearing about quiche. I don't mind quiche, its pretty fucking tasty actually, but its beginning to freak me out.
Its like I live in a world where everyone thinks quiche is just the shit to mention. People are writing about it, referencing it on TV and it is a minor plot point in a book I just read.
This is insane. It is out of hand. It must stop. Light, fluffy, egg-based, pie-pastry-whatever-the-fuck foods should not be something that occupies my mind for more than the 7 minutes it takes me to eat them.

Happy New Year. See you in hell quiche.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Would You Look At Us

Getting slightly ever so nervous.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I Believe It Was MONS Beer

I was just now sifting through the random floatsam and jetsam of the internet and came across this picture.
This is a picture of the Chinese city Yichang, which is located in Hubei province. Its fairly out of the way and just about the only thing going for it is its proximity to the Three Gorges Dam. I know this because I spent two days there and there wasn't much to do but see the Dam.
Because of this I spent most of the second day waiting for a train to Beijing, but not being one to sit and wait around a train station when there is a perfectly good fucking huge river nearby my friend and I spent our time waiting on the steep banks of the Yangtze River tanning and drinking lukewarm Chinese beer. And as we sat and drank and got stared at we talked and caught up and shit. And its not that we hadn't been talking for the entire week we had been traveling around together, but there was something very normal about our time by the river. Something that was reminiscent about times we spent chilling in his basement or running around Nottaway or eating lunch outside at Madison. Here we were, literally on the other side of the world and we just sat and bullshitted like we always have. I've seen a lot of cool shit in my life, and I've had a lot of fun, but those handful of hours sitting by that river ranks up there when it comes to just plan simple joy. And seeing a picture of it randomly just kinda set it off in my head.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

This Shit's Better Than A Slam-Dunk, A Punt-Return Touchdown, a Grand Slam and A Greatest-Into-Callahan Put Together

This may seem like its petty, and it may seem to contradict the honest and pure fact that I really don't care and I'm over and done with it, but I don't and I am.
Its just that I won. I won hardcore. I won so hardcore its like winning it more than once. Shit, I might have won this three fucking times over.
So without getting too specific; a list of my win:

Moral Highground: CHECK
Massive Improvement in Standard of Living: CHECK
Retained (or Won) Friends: CHECK
Got Something Better, Not Massively Worse: CHECK
Parted Situation With Cold-Heartedness and Finality: CHECK
Didn't Lose My Fucking Mind: CHECK
Got More Attractive 'Friends': CHECK

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Wiener Cousins

I feel like I say and/or write this often, but who gives a shit.

The world is an amazing place. I'm blown away on nearly a daily basis by its beauty, complexity and magical feel. In the same way pretty much nothing any of us could ever do will ever really matter, every tiny little thought and action also has more impact we could ever conceive.

It seems to me to be pretty common practice the world over to view life in a linear way. We are born at the start, we die at the end and in between we run alongside other line-lives and have milestones (even the world milestone speaks to this straight line view) and events along that line.
But often I feel myself looking at my life as a web. I am the center of my web, and everyone else is at the center of theirs. And as I live and grow and learn and move and love and kill and work and drink and travel and think and write and run and as everyone else does the same our webs interconnect. We cross and separate and run alongside and diverge for a time and re-connect and get lost forever, however the case may be. In those tangled webs greater structures arise that in turn go on to connect us more deeply and with more people. And even after we're gone; moved or broken up or lost touch or died, the remnants of our web still remain. Who we are or were is preserved in what we did and the connections we made and the ripples that exist in our wake.

This web of ours is Life, and it is chaos. And the deeper you peer the more beauty shines out and when you are very lucky, when you have had just the right number of drinks with just the right people in just the right places with members of the opposite sex that are just the right level of attractive, every little thing falls right into place for a fleeting second. And this crazy mess of a web makes perfect sense.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It Always Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

So close.
24 hours until I'm back in Virginia.

So close.
5 months until I'm out of the Army.

So close.
Less than a year until I can make myself a home.

"Are you breathing?"
"Then you're ok. If you're breathing then you're ok"

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Silvio Berlusconi Is Sorry For Partying

Silvio Berlusconi is the fucking man.

I'm sorry if this sounds dumb, (No I'm not. Fuck you.) but the man is a fucking P-I-M-P. Dude becomes Prime Minister of Italy solely so he can change the laws that would have sent him to jail for some serious white collar crime.
While in office he seems to have done very little, with the exception of maybe keeping Italy from spiraling out of control debt-wise (see Greece, Ireland, Spain et al.) and of course throwing massive hooker-filled parties with 18 year-old super models and blow on private islands at government expense.

He has been accused of Mafia collusion, massive violations of anti-trust laws, participation in prostitution rings and "spicy relations" (his words) with 17 year-old girls. He has has lost his job twice already and clawed his way back. And just today he survived a vote of no confidence in the lower house of the Italian parliament by 3 votes.

Now if it seems like Mr. Berlusconi is a complete and total dirtbag that might be because in any conventional way he most certainly is. I mean I'm a pretty laid-back guy and only judge people I know and don't like, but shit. I mean banging 17 year olds stops being ok once you pass 19.


He is still the fucking man. Plain and simple, he is the MAN. I have to give anyone credit when they game the system, and no one has gamed the system like Silvio. He is a massive creeper, criminal, sexist and said he envies President Obama's "tan" but find me another world leader who can play hide-and-seek with the German chancellor.

And while I'm sure most people would disagree with me here, I like my world leaders to not take themselves (or their jobs) too seriously.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Oh Well...

I don't own a TV currently. I used to have a sexy 42" LCD that I got for the bargain price of $0.00 from my homeboy Valvar cause he didn't want it. But, of course, it was stolen from a storage unit while I was away in Iraq. Honestly I wasn't that angered because I didn't pay for it, I put it into a sketch ass storage facility, and as they say; easy come, easy go.
In the nearly six months since I've been back (fuck me times flies) I haven't purchased a new one for a few reasons. One is the cable company has blacklisted me for having yet to pay a bill from 2008. Still another is I'm lazy and with the exception of blowing my money on trips around the country and around the world I try and bank some scrilla. I eat Mac & Cheese, drink Miller High Life and Kamchatka vodka, steal toilet paper and dress like I'm homeless. But the most real reason I don't own a TV is that I like being the kind of guy who doesn't own a TV.

This is not to say I don't watch TV. Because I do. I go over to Scott and Cisco's room a few times a week to watch 16 and Pregnant, Its Always Sunny and some football games. And I will watch another few shows online from time to time. But there is a marked difference between watching TV and owning a TV.

When you own a TV you tend to watch more TV. You watch stupid shit, you watch news, you watch non-SVU Law & Order, you watch terrible late-night shows. You sit in front of it changing the channel, pissed off that you've got cable and HBO and there is still nothing on. I feel free of that.

I read mot days. I surf the internet. And yeah, while I Facebook-stalk JPo-style (creepin' while you're sleepin') and look at random memes and listen to the Bed Intruder Song for hours at a time I also read Hindu gospels and Bertand Russel and listen to the Beatles. I write. I goad people into discussing international politics and Miley Cyrus. I go running. And I also do all of the above while drunk.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Fat Bottom Girl

She comes home a month from Wednesday.
Do I get partial credit if when I make the same exact mistake a second time I know its a mistake and harbor no illusions as to the outcome? Or does that just make me really dumb?

Friday, December 10, 2010

Maybe 'Ole Krishna Was On To Something

"...for, to a warrior, there is nothing nobler than a righteous war. Happy are the warriors to whom a battle such as this comes: it opens a door to heaven.
But if you refuse to fight this righteous war, you will be turning aside from your duty. You will be a sinner, and disgraced. People will speak ill of you throughout the ages. To a man who values his honor, that is surely worse than death. The warrior-chiefs will believe it is fear that drove you from the battle; you will be despised by those that have admired you so long. Your enemies, also, will slander your courage. They will use the words which should never be spoken. What could be harder to bear than that?
Die, and you win heaven. Conquer, and you enjoy the earth. Stand up now, son of Kunti, and resolve to fight. Realize that pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat, are all one and the same: then go into battle." -Sri Krishna (Bhagavad Gita, Ch. 2:31-39)

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

Have you ever had someone tell you that you were born in the wrong time? That they could see you in another era of history or something.
I knew this girl once that used to tell me that shit all the time. I am fairly certain she meant it as a compliment, or at least not as an insult but every damn time she said it I wanted to kick her in the face. I wanted to kick her in the face because it strikes me as a monumentally stupid thing to say out loud to another person. Honestly, what the fuck is it even supposed to mean?
Does it mean I'm old-fashioned? Does it mean I'm adaptive? That I'm stupid? I honestly I have no goddamn idea what it means. And to be honest I don't want to.

I'm thrilled to be alive right now. These are intense fucking times we live in and I for one am glad to be around for them. And not just alive, but young and dumb and aware and involved and invested.
I'm not old and wizened and wise, sitting in a rocking chair judging all I see and thinking I know everything because I know something. I'm not middle-aged, having to worry about my future and the future of loved ones and the world as a whole. And I'm not a kid anymore either, I'm not blissfully ignorant of the world around me.
I'm full to the fucking brim with piss and vinegar. I don't know anything and want to learn it all. I've got huge reserves of blood and sweat and tears ready to be put into any enterprise. I've got a strong back and a hard head with enough scars to prove it but not enough to teach me a lesson. I'm smart enough to know I'm not invincible and dumb enough not to care.

And when I look around at this world I've inherited; this beautiful cluster-fuck of a world, it makes me smile like a fucking idiot.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I Would Run A Marathon Sponsored By Beer

The 5th Annual Michelob Ultra El Paso Marathon
March 6, 2011

I have 12 weeks to get my ass ready. Hardcore training starts Monday.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Oh How I've Missed You BBC

I am starving to death for lack of intellectual stimulation.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A List Of Things Currently Stressing Me Out

The fucking wind that will not stop blowing. Ever.


Trying to figure out how to file for:
Veteran's Disability
Post-9/11 GI Bill (Thank you Sen. Webb)
Online classes with a University whose credits will transfer to a real fucking college.

Getting into a real fucking college.

Getting old.

Christmas music. I hate Christmas music.

Stupid people at work who seem to think we will be invading North Korea sometime this month.

Knowing I still have 11 days until Christmas Leave.

The total and complete failure of any retail store on the East Side, Far East Side or Downtown El Paso in selling hand-held GPS systems.

Chaplain Kim.

Attempting to quit smoking.

The douchebag in the room next to mine and his stereo, which is always on, always loud and always playing shitty fucking music.

And of course, Bitches.