Sunday, August 30, 2009

Smart Money Says She Ran Distance

Have you ever seen someone and fallen in love with them? Not met, or talked to, just seen. Not wanted to fuck or thought was hot, fell in love with. I have.

I suppose I didn't love her really, but I can't think of a different word for it.

It was at a rest-stop along the Jersey Turnpike. I was with Dan and Karen and Patrick and we were headed home from visiting the Lower Nappi's in northern Jersey. I suppose Liz and Ralph stayed to hang in the city or some shit. It was winter and Patty was maybe a year old. Karen and Dan were buying food or in the bathrooms or something and I was just kicking it with Patrick at a table. I think I was holding him and I was wearing a Mad XC sweatshirt.
Anyway I look around and I see what appears to be a high school track team enter the rest-stop from a big charter bus. They break into small groups and head to different places to eat or whatever and one girl looks at me. She had light brown hair, a red XC hoodie that said some school name and one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen. Her hood was up and her hair was coming out on either side of her face. She had these blue eyes...
So she looked right at me, and I looked right back at her. I don't know how long we just sat there and looked at each other, four seconds maybe. She had this look in her eyes... I can't put it into words. But the look in her eyes was how I felt. Tired and sad and confused and overwhelmed by life, but holding it together because that is what strong people do, and we were strong people. Then her friends said something to her and she looked away. Karen and Dan came back, we ate dinner and left.
That was it. But I thought about her for the rest of the trip home. And after. Fuck here I am years and years later, a different life than I ever thought I'd live and she just popped back into my mind for some fucking reason. I wonder what her name is, if she still runs, if she's happy, if she's alive, if she ever thinks about the guy she stared at at a rest-stop on the Jersey Turnpike and if she's still strong.
I hope she is, because I still love her.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sober Sundays Are Always A Good Idea

I'm thinking about maybe being a teacher after college. It seems like a decent job, and I think I'd do ok. Like teach History or Government or some shit. The pay wouldn't be great I know, but I'm not so fiscally driven as other people. Plus I already have a little saved up. And I'd get summer's off. How can you not love that?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

We Are Such Stuff

I had an awesome dream last night. I had forgotten about it until just now, and I don't know what made me remember but I'm glad that I did.

I was somewhere kinda strange with my unit, not particularly hostile, but we did have our weapons. It was an urban setting with wide streets and green grass. The central thing was a park/zoo in the middle with a wrought iron fence around it and some classy brick buildings. We were set up on two corners just watching cars and people go by when I had to go down to one of the other corners. So I headed down to the street to do whatever and when I got to the next corner the soldiers there were British Army. They had their weapons too but no gear and were just chillian. They had their berets tucked into those shoulder strap things other military's uniforms have.
Anywho, I'm walking by and I look over and see that standing with them is a friend of mine. And she's in uniform. And it just so happens I haven't seen this friend in a while so I go over and say something and she looks up and sees me.
We hugged and started talking and shit was cool.

I don't know what that dream means, and I know I did a piss poor job of describing it. But I do know it was one of the nicest dreams I have had in a long time and I had to write it down before I forgot about it again.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Once Again The Media Has Lied To Me

Anyone who thinks life is not absurd has never been hit with a chair in the face.
Saturday night I was hit with a chair in the face. My buddy swung a chair, and hit me in the face. On purpose. We're not sure why.

It knocked me out for a while, and opened my forehead up something good. I have some stitches, and since I refused to go to the hospital the night it happened (going so far as to sprint barefoot away from the party, while still gushing blood) it will scar.

I'm not really mad about it, these things happen I suppose. Could have been worse, if the chair hit me lower on the head it might have taken my eye, or knocked out some teeth. I just want to know why he hit me with a chair. I mean a single punch would have knocked me out half as well without all the hoopla. On the plus side though I don't have to do PT for a while.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Crazy Uncle Nappi's Nautical Fun-Time Adventure" Is A Great Name For A Boat

It's time to be more positive. Never thought I'd say that but there it is. Life's not so bad.
I'm young and healthy and working. I have some money in the bank and I have a rough plan for the future. I have a nice place to live and good food to eat. And as I've said before I have people who love me.

Sometimes I'll get a glimpse of my tattoo from the corner of my eye and I have to do a double take. Then I laugh. How could I not laugh? Who stabs "KILL" into their arm with a safety pin and India ink? I used to be somewhat self-conscious about it. I've always been proud on one level; I mean raise your hand if you tattooed yourself while drunk and it came out even... thought so. But I suppose on my last trip home I realized why I did it.

I did it because I can't tell my future. I don't know if I'ma grow up and work some desk job and sell out Past Me or if I will go and Find My Passion like Frodigh said. And if I do sell out than I suppose I'll be happy, but I will not forget the road that I took to get there. This retarded mark on my arm is a permanent reminder to me of who I am right now . So years from now I will still be explaining why I have this and everytime I do I will be reminded of me.

I don't know if anyone understands, but I guess that doesn't matter anyway.

On another note: California in like 2 weeks. FML

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I Need A Shave Badly

I'm not sure how I feel about my life right now.

I just got back to El Paso yesterday and I have work in the morning.

I need to stop glossing over the bad parts of memory and loosing myself in nostalgia. There were/are reasons behind nearly all actions I have taken in my life. I need to trust Past Me, he did and ok job and I have to remember that.

I need to get this chip off my shoulder. I need to stop getting mad at the people that love me.

I need to do the dishes.