Sometimes I wonder why we do things we know are bad for us. I know because obviously we get something from it, some kind of 'payoff' if you will, but I mean what if we really don't? Or to switch the question around; why do we not do things we know are good for us? Like eat our veggies or drink more water or any of the million simple, easy things we just don't do.
For me its running. I love to run. I always have and I always will. It is one constant in my life that seems buffeted by changes that often confuse and upset me. But all too often I find myself not running. I know its good for me physicaly and mentally, I enjoy the action itself and I'm good at it. Yet some days I get back to my room from mission and I don't change into my shorts and go out there. I make excuses and I purposely find other things to get engrossed in. I say I'm too busy or too tired when I know I'm not. But if I go two days without it life seems to get too heavy, and my shit starts to unravel. I don't think straight, I let irrational emotions take over my thoughts and I make all kinds of mistakes.
Today I had KP (bullshit kitchen-duty) and in the middle of serving chow I just couldn't deal anymore. I couldn't think straight and I was on the verge of flipping my shit in front of Sgt. Major. I just put down my spoon and walked back to my room, changed into my PT's and ran a few miles in the mud and rain. I ran until I couldn't breathe and I couldn't keep my footing and until all the crazy came out of me. Then I showered and went back. I caught some flak for dipping out but I needed it and I don't know why I just didn't do it before hand.
I think if I can run everyday this whole thing might get a little easier. And the way things have been going I need all the help I can get.