Fuck
My
Life
Just as simple as that. Even when things are going as good as to be expected I fuck them all up in my head. I should have something implanted in my brain to shut down my mind when it is not actively being used for things. And even when it is thinking over important shit there should be a seperate part that edits my thoughts. Like keeps me from thinking things that will only spiral in my brain and drive me insane and pull me to places I have no wish to go.
I'm so fucking frustrated right now and its 100% my fault. Me and my god damn brain. Sometimes I wonder if I just shouldn't get myself put on Xanies or Zoloft or Lustral or Prosac or Vallies or Paxil or any of the hundred other chemical cocktails that would keep this shit from happening. Make it so this dumb shit doesn't hijack my mind and send me into a fucking tailspin for however long.
But I don't. I don't go get meds, I don't go and "talk to someone". I'm not exactly sure why I don't, I just don't. I try hard to meet that shit head-on and deal with it, because hiding from it doesn't seem to solve much. And for the most part that seems to work. Maybe the terrible mental pain is worth knowing that I am strong enough to face the dark places in my mind and still make it out alive.
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