They say before you buy it you ask for three things: your mother, god, and forgiveness.
I've heard that from Iraq vets, Vietnam vets and a World War II vet. They said it wasn't everybody, but just about. They said that it happens while you bleed out, or after your lungs deflate and you're gasping for breathe but none comes that you cry out for Mom and god and forgiveness.
Not me. Call it pride or hubris or ignorance or whatever the fuck you want to I don't give a fuck. I won't say shit when I buy it. Sure I love my life, and sure I'ma be sad when its gone. But I don't believe in god and as much as I love my mother the last thing I would want is her near me when I die. As for forgiveness... well I've done some bad things and I've hurt some people and I'm sorry for that. And I suppose that if anyone I feel I've wronged is around I should tell them I'm sorry if I feel that way.
But I have already lived a decently full life I suppose. I've loved and I've lost, I've been punched in the face and I've felt the indescribable feeling of my own hand crashing into another man's jaw. I've been camping in the woods and I've seen the sunrise in the desert with no living man within earshot. I've had vag juice all over my face on the way to Christian Work Camp and I've partaken in the sacrament of Confession. I 've seen the Green Flash over the edge of the world and I've been to Europe. I've stood in a Cathedral and pondered over the meaning of life. I've sat by fast-moving streams and one time (when I was young) I jacked off into one. I've been arrested and I've been a felon. I've been stabbed and I've stabbed. And there are still many many things under this sun I don't know the slightest thing about.
But if I'm gone tomorrow know that I had fun today.