Friday, February 5, 2010

The Blue Loogie & Operation: Gato

I'm back. I'm back on my FOB, I'm back in my room, I'm back with my platoon and it feels good. It feels good to have my gun back, it feels good to have a job to do and it feels oddly good to be surrounded by people who hate you. I guess that's weird, but its just nice to know where you stand I suppose.
But I wanted to address being back with my platoon. Because I pretty much hate most of them. But I missed them a little. And I'm sure in the years to come when I never see them ever again I will miss them more and more. I know this will happen because it has happened before. Multiple times. And its not just me, other people feel this way and experience the same shit. Just read Salinger (RIP). Most notable of course being the last line of Catcher.
"About all I know is, I sort of miss everybody I told about... Don't ever tell anyone anything. If you do, you start to miss everybody."
That man had it right, fuck he had it right. Everytime I remember something or someone from my past, no matter how much I couldn't fucking stand them at the time I feel a bit of remorse. Not remorse for hating them or whatever, I stand by my decitions, but because I don't see them anymore.
When I was in Westbriar I had some "enemies". R&R lets call her. This enemity lasted through Kilmer and died sometime Freshman year at Madion, where avoiding people you didn't care for became easier than pranks and insults. Yet through it all, and there was a lot, we could depend on each other. Not for any kind of friendship or conventional support, but merely to remain a constant in our drasticly changing lives. Which in itself is a support that is rare, especially when you're young. From age 12 through 18 we were always there. We knew each other's past and knew we didn't like each other, if only because we had since before puberty. I saw her a few years back by chance at a mutual friends house while we were drinking. We sat on a couch all night bullshitting about our childhoods and whatnot and at one point she turned to me and remarked how no matter some things change its good to know others don't. She was right; I still hate her, but damned if I don't miss her.

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