So the conclusion of a four day weekend without alcohol is coming to an end. What a trip that was, but not really. Tommrow we head out to the desert to practice being all Army and shit for a few days. I honestly like going to the field, it makes me feel like I am actully doing something with all the equpiment, training and time that the govenment has given me. That is why I like this job I suppose; a sense of purpose. I will never understand people who don't have a purpose. Not like a goal, I have never been one to have goals and have caught more than my fair share for that. So what if I have no idea where I'm going or what it is that I really want? I don't give a fuck. I do know that I like to wake up and know what I'ma do 5 days outta 7. I mean that is why the weekend is go great; because it affords me luxeries that I normally do without. Tantamount among them; not waking up before 6am. I guess I don't hate it as much as other people, but I think that comes from the fact that I try and get somewhere in the area of 5 hours a sleep on workdays. I mean I know some fucktards who go to bed at 2 or 3am with a 6am wake up, there is no way you will be rested and ready to do PT on 3 hours of sleep. On the other hand I try not to get more than 8 hours a night either. You ever sleep too much in a day and feel all tired and shit? Happens to me when I get more than 8 hours.
But changing topic rapidly: I fucking hate people who make dramatic 'cries for help'. I mean this may be fucked up and shit, but I am going to say it; either be a fucking grown-up about it and fucking kill yourself, or don't. And if you're not sure about it then sit down and think very hard, maybe make a list if you are a list-making type of person. But do not, DO NOT make some bullshit gesture that implies you may hurt yourself or others because you have such a fucking tough life. Everyone makes fun of you because you're some hideous chud and talk like you're half retarded? Don't bring home half a dozen 5.56mm rounds from the the firing range and hide them in an Advil bottle on your desk. Don't let someone overhear you talking on the phone about how "They'll all see..." or some shit. Because no one will pity you. Fuck, no one with half a brain will even be afraid you might actully do it. You think people will stop mocking you because they worry you might go fucking Postal one Tuesday night in the barracks? Newsflash assfuck, it will just make everyone hate you more and mock you more because we all see it for what it is: never a serious threat. Because if you had half a mind to do it you would do it when you have your hands on a gun that fires 12 rounds a second and every single one of the people you hate are standing in a tighly packed group nearby. (That is an unweildy sentence.) So either go out like a fucking man (H.S. Thompson/Hemingway style) with no chance of failure, or suck it the fuck up and roll on. Because life is hard for everyone and yet a vast majority of us manage to stuggle through day after shit-eating day and we don't need any drama-queen whiners slowing us down.